Addicted

 I've never been addicted to drugs or alcohol before. But I'm addicted to people. I crave certain attention because of the lack of love I got as a child. At least that's what the internet and my therapist say. 

I get angry at this boy. This simple, basic boy. This beautifully average, simple boy. I get angry with him. 

"Why are you angry at him?" 

Because he makes me smile. He makes me laugh. 

I don't want to laugh. I don't want to smile. 

 It tricks my mind into thinking I'm okay. So I tell him, "You make me angry." Naturally, he asks me, "why?" 

"Because I'm happy when I'm with you." 

You see, the problem is, I'm not ready to be happy. 

I'm not ready to be treated with respect. I'm not ready to be showered with positive attention.

I was used to being sad. It felt normal to be treated like an afterthought. 

So when someone comes around and doesn't make me sad, who doesn't make me feel like an afterthought, I become addicted. 

I get so high on feeling important to someone I chase that feeling.