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11/16/2020 2:38am

 My life really got fucking knocked off the rails this year. And I'm ending the year trying to completely rebuild my life from scratch. No steady job. No relationships. Not a lot of friends. No confidence. Always crying and dreaming of where I want to be. But I see it ahead of me. I see the journey. I see what I need to do and this year was one of the worst and lowest of my life but I needed it. I needed this disaster so i can be pushed out of my comfort zone and build a life I am proud of. Not a life I settled for. 

It wont be easy. I'm going to cry a lot. I'm going to fall into old habits occasionally. I'm going to take some stumbles backwards. But I will also keep my eyes up. And I will only thank the things that got me here. I refuse to run back to any part of my past. 

I want to do so much. I never lost sight of who I am. I just put more effort in certain things that felt right at the time. But I never lost sight of who I am and the kind of person I want to be. I've always known who I am. I never let anyone tell me who they think I am. I know who I am. Always have. Always will. And I know the kind of person I will grow into. 

You have such a support system. You can't forget that. You can't ever forget the people who are there for you. They are the ones you should thank at the end of the day. They are the ones who always want whats best for you. Don't forget that. 


Hug your mom more often. She has always supported you. She isn't perfect but she is strong. So much stronger than you give her credit for. I want to be strong for her. I want to make her proud. I will make her proud. 

This year started with wanting to make big changes in my life. And it wasn't what I thought it was going to be but I am making those changes. The changes are happening one way or another. Don't get discouraged on how it happened but it's happening. 


You have done a lot with your life. It sometimes doesn't feel like it. But you are doing great. You have a full life. You just need to remember to appreciate it a little more on the dark days. You are worthy of all good things. You deserve happiness in all forms. And you are in control of that. You don't need anyone to make you feel less than you are. You are important. You have worth. 







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