I'm Crazy

 I'm crazy. 

    Do you want to know why I'm crazy? Well, for starters, I give too many chances. So many god damn chances. To every single person who doesn't deserve even one chance. But you see, I believe in benefit of the doubt, which is the problem. I always want to believe that someone is better than they actually are. I give them the opportunity to be the person I expect them to be in my head. Guess what? They never reach that expectation. Which is probably my fault for giving them a high expectation. But I just want them to be the best version of themselves. I want them to be who they deserve to be. But they always fall short of what I expect from them. 

    I am horribly disappointed but I give another chance. I lower my expectations and give them the second chance to prove to me that they can be better. And they fail, again. This cycle repeats itself over and over again until my expectations are practically nothing. So when someone gives me slightly above that nothing expectation, I am over the fucking moon. And I hold on to that little hope of that slightly above nothing expectation... 

    I cling to it like my fucking life depends on it. "They went above my (nothing) expectation once! They can do it again! and they can do bigger expectations!" Thats the thought process that lingers in my mind. But that day never really comes when they do more than that one, single expectation.