Red Flags and Flames

Hindsight is always 20/20. Thats what everyone keeps telling me. Its easier to see the red flags after the fact. But what if I saw all the red flags while it was happening? I chose to ignore those flags. I chose to keep moving forward with the field covered in red flags. I saw those red flags and decided to try burning them down. I didn't want to see those flags. Those flags were warnings and I just kept ignoring them. In the process I was burning the whole field and the field was covered in a giant red flame. Still, with that flame high over my head, burning my cheeks, I still kept walking through that field. Until one day, after my body was covered in ashy lies and my feet were burnt raw, I didn't know why I was still wandering through this field. I thought love was passionate like a flame. Maybe thats why I kept going for as long as I did. I was hopeful and thought, "This is how it should be".  But that flame, never gave me anything back. That flame was only using me to fuel its own agenda. 

Worried

I was worried she was getting the version of you I always wanted. 

I was worried you wouldn't cheat on her. Because I was something special you needed to cheat on.

I was worried you wouldn't lie to her. Because I was someone that you could lie too. 

I was worried you would talk to her. Because you could never open up to me the way I needed. 

I was worried you wouldn't hurt her the way you hurt me. Because then that meant that I wasn't important enough for you to spare my feelings.

I was worried she was getting the version of you I always wanted. I just wanted honesty. Thats all I've ever asked for. I just wanted the truth no matter how much it hurt me. I never got that. I kept thinking of the things you might have learned from our relationship. How to lie better. How to cheat easier. How to manipulate a situation better in your favor. 

I was thinking the other day, how little I must of meant to you. How I was so insignificant that you didn't have the spine to tell me what you were feeling. 

I hope she understands you. I hope she understands that she will need to dedicate her life to serving your ego so you don't abandon her like you did me. I hope she understands that when words drip out of your mouth they are poison and toxic. I hope she understands that when you revert back to childish habits she will need to not only become your lover but your mother as well. I hope she understands that you don't appreciate strong women because you feel inferior and insecure. I pray that she understands that you are a broken man who gets pleasure out of broken women.