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Showing posts from April, 2019

Red Flags and Flames

Hindsight is always 20/20. Thats what everyone keeps telling me. Its easier to see the red flags after the fact. But what if I saw all the red flags while it was happening? I chose to ignore those flags. I chose to keep moving forward with the field covered in red flags. I saw those red flags and decided to try burning them down. I didn't want to see those flags. Those flags were warnings and I just kept ignoring them. In the process I was burning the whole field and the field was covered in a giant red flame. Still, with that flame high over my head, burning my cheeks, I still kept walking through that field. Until one day, after my body was covered in ashy lies and my feet were burnt raw, I didn't know why I was still wandering through this field. I thought love was passionate like a flame. Maybe thats why I kept going for as long as I did. I was hopeful and thought, "This is how it should be".  But that flame, never gave me anything back. That flame was only using ...

Worried

I was worried she was getting the version of you I always wanted.  I was worried you wouldn't cheat on her. Because I was something special you needed to cheat on. I was worried you wouldn't lie to her. Because I was someone that you could lie too.  I was worried you would talk to her. Because you could never open up to me the way I needed.  I was worried you wouldn't hurt her the way you hurt me. Because then that meant that I wasn't important enough for you to spare my feelings. I was worried she was getting the version of you I always wanted. I just wanted honesty. Thats all I've ever asked for. I just wanted the truth no matter how much it hurt me. I never got that. I kept thinking of the things you might have learned from our relationship. How to lie better. How to cheat easier. How to manipulate a situation better in your favor.  I was thinking the other day, how little I must of meant to you. How I was so insignificant that you didn't h...