Constantly Misguided

 I was triggered in a bar tonight. I heard that song that reminded me of you while I was on a date and I was fighting back tears as he told me how he grew up Roman Catholic. His voice became distorted and muffled and all I could hear was the song and how much I missed you and how sad I was. I blacked out and I couldn't pay attention to what he was saying and the words I did speak didn't make sense.  But I held back the tears, the song ended. The anxiety stayed for a while but then I had a really nice time. I will move on. I have to move on. 

I can't compete. Then again I don't want too. I can't be the girl you lost. I wont be her. I will never be her. Please don't compare me to her. We are two different beings. She is the moon. She is soft and lovely to look at. Coy with the parts of herself she is willing to show you. She is mysterious and extraordinary. I am the sun. You are basking in my light and appreciating my presence, but my devotion burns hard. Its overwhelming. You are relieved when I relinquish the sky so she can appear. You can gaze at her for hours. She is really beautiful. You look at her and you think she can't hurt you. But you can't look at me. You appreciate my beauty but never setting eyes on me. I want to be looked at too. But at the end of every night, She leaves you and she's empty and you might be too. And every morning when I rise, I want you to rise with me and be together. Providing heat and passion, No one is able to handle it, espec...

"Is there anyway of us moving forward? I have the urge to cheat daily, thats the truth and I don't know why" Why? Why would I ever want to move forward with someone who manipulates me? Why would I want to move forward with someone who doesn't respect me? Why would I want to move forward with someone who when I tell them my insecurities and confide in them, they do the exact things I have nightmares about? You said the things that ripped me open. You put me on display. You made me feel like I was just a plastic cup. You need it for a moment but as soon as that water is gone, you throw me aside and you will pick up another cup when you are thirsty again. My stomach is empty. Its so empty. And my chest is full. Full of heavy rocks.