To the girl you love after me

You are so beautiful,

my chest stings looking at your pictures.

You are so intelligent, 

in ways I probably don't compare.

You hold his attention,

something I could never do.

You have the ability to make him stay loyal,

I envy that so much.

You probably make him laugh a lot,

he always hated his smile.

He says you understand him,

what don't I understand? 

You had the confidence I needed,
where can I get it?

He doesn't look at me with awe,
but then again he doesn't look at me.

He looked at everyone but me,
I must not be worth looking at.

You filled my space in his bed pretty quickly,
I hope my spot was cozy.

Your legs wrapped around him better than mine,
or thats what I imagined.

He didn't enjoy talking on the phone with me,
he enjoys talking to you though.

He didn't see a future with me,
but I'm sure he can see it with you.

He didn't ever really love me,
but he loves you.

Earth and Water

Earth and Water have such a beautiful relationship that I think describes our relationship pretty well. So, let me explain.

Earth: land specifically, seems so random. An outsider looking in would obviously be curious at all the things that is on land. Curious about how the mountains and valleys dance in harmony. How emotional the weather can change in an instant and yet how beautiful each emotional outburst can be despite also, how dangerous. How welcoming the earth is of all the creatures surviving and thriving. Making a suitable home for creatures who need no explanation on why they are given this right and privilege.  Earth is accepting and at first glance might seem to be random but there is always a method to the madness. Earth is calculating and logical. Always thinking about as many steps ahead that they feel is necessary.

Water: Is the most mysterious thing. Water is life, so much so that there are creatures that live in the deepest, darkest depths of the ocean. Water is calm, cool and collected. But there is constant waves, constant thoughts, constant currents moving under the surface. Water can sink ships but can also float you to safety. Water is not something you want to make angry but you want to love you instead. No one, I think, will truly understand Water and the deepest corners of its complex, intellectual mind but many try to understand nonetheless.

When Earth and Water meet, they can make anything possible. A connection is built between these two things that seem so different, but together everything makes sense. You can’t have one without the other. Water needs the shore to lean on and stay grounded while the shore needs water to be nurtured and loved.

But I am Earth and you are Water and we are two different things that work so well together.

Five Days

Five days. It took five days for me to connect with you more than anyone else I have ever met. The first day we already settled into how we would laugh with each other for the rest of our time together. We knew each other for just a few hours but it felt like we have been laughing together like that for much longer. It was so easy for the words to escape my lips as I effortlessly told you things about me that normally sits like a brick in my chest. Those things weighed me down but when I told you it was like I could swim up to the surface again and take a much needed breath. There is never a dull moment when we are together. No awkward silence. We never have to force conversation. That’s something I really enjoy when we are together. It’s never forced. Everything about being with you feels so natural. 

You make me feel like a baby bird who fell out of the nest. Which, is probably a dumb analogy, but bare with me. Before you, I was constantly trying to figure out how to fly. I tried and tried but no matter what, I could never do it. And I have even fallen out of the nest a few times before and I kept thinking something was wrong with me. That I was the problem. I wasn’t understanding why I couldn’t fly. Why would another bird want to be with someone who didn’t know how to fly?  And then I tried to change my thinking, ‘it wasn’t my fault, it was the winds fault, or the skies fall, or the air around me’. I had to try to build my confidence back up from every tumble down and constantly build myself back up somehow and get back to where I started and try again. And then after all the falls and even some small glimpses of what it would be like to fly. You picked me up, and I felt like I could sore. You are so gentle with me, yet you see how tough I have to be and that I can handle a lot. You dont see some dumb bird who can’t seem to figure out how to fly, you see something in me that, sure, other people have probably seen and others might of simply noticed or acknowledged my weird quirks and my goofy way of thinking. But you look at me with such interest and you don’t just see me, you accept me. Even though I am still a little bird trying to figure out how to fly.

Copper Pennies

 They are two copper wires who found each other and fused together to make a basic penny. Something that, in theory, is glorious.

Economies are built around the idea of pennies. But at the end of the day pennies get lost, they get forgotten. Pennies were once very shiny and sometimes still are, but pennies cant pay the bills.

Barely a flicker

He was wasting his time with me. He was wasting his time until he found someone else. He was devastated in the moment because he didn’t want to be alone. I loved him so deeply, but he didn’t notice or care, despite the fact that he said he did. When it came to things in our relationship he never wanted to fix it. I never realized how horrible I felt about myself until I saw him treat someone else better. Then all the shit he fed me, all the lies. Whatever came out of his mouth from the time we started dating was all a lie. He had the nerve to think I was the liar. To think he was the victim. Relationships are a two way street. Everything just gets passed back and forth, especially the pain. This was full blown war. Casualties were on both sides. He never understood my full potential. He was basic. Simple. He didn’t need much. While I needed more. Not in a materialistic way, in the kind of way that I craved a genuine connection with another human life that could understand and accept every flake of skin and every germ I might be hosting in my body.


When I looked into his eyes, they were dead, not because he was heartless but because he didn’t see me. He didn’t see my worth. He was made of copper. I was made of something out of this world.  Something that you don’t look at and throw in the corner of your room to hide from your parents and friends. I’m loud. I’m vivacious. I dare to be something other than basic. I’m not someone who is supposed to be understood. And that is why no relationship has ever worked out until this point. I’ve had a love that was so complex and abstract that they couldn’t handle my love and they couldn’t explain it.


 I secretly hated myself for loving someone like him. Everyone saw how toxic he was. Everyone could feel it in their bones, their muscles, their atoms. He was toxic. He didn’t understand what he was doing to me. I didn’t understand why he didn’t care for me the way a human should be treated even though we were together for so long. That girl… She thinks she is special. She isn’t. Which sounds mean for me to say but it isn’t that she isn’t special enough for his attention, it’s because she is basic also. She is content with the simplest simplicity. She sees my light and she tries so hard to burn brighter than me. When she can’t burn at all. She can barely flicker...